I’ve done MySpace, to limited success. I shall now piss on Facebook. In all reality I would really love to take an actual physical piss on Facebook, to express my immediate dislike for it. I might even download the Facebook homepage, burn it off onto CD and piss on the CD to compensate.


Facebook is essentially a glorified MySpace that focuses on the immediate connections in your life, and is what I refer to as a “closed” social networking site. By closed I simply mean that unless you know who you’re looking for, it’s almost impossible to browse random people (unless their profile is set to public) looking to make new connections. It exists, I suppose, to centralise the communication between your friends so that they can always see what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. In a world where shitty TV shows like “Big Brother” are highly successful, it’s quite logical to see why Facebook is also successful. Success doesn’t make something good, however, and Facebook is indeed a steaming pile of shit.

So why is it shit?

Firstly, because it’s closed. If I’m bored with the people in my life, it’s the 6 degrees of seperation, again. If I want to find someone new, I have to look at friends of friends of friends, and even then they’re all going to know each other, so I’m never really meeting anyone “new”. Yes, there are some subtle features that allow you to view categories and things like artists or interests – but when the majority of profiles are only accessible by people in the same network this defeats the entire fucking purpose of doing that. I don’t want to meet up with people who know through a friend of a friend that I got herpes last year. Dammit.

Facebook allows those assholes you were trying to avoid from High School to contact you. You know EXACTLY who i’m talking about, right? Everyone has at least a handful of people you couldn’t fucking stand at school but yet couldn’t seem to get rid of, and the morbid curiosity within you accepts them as friends, just so you can see how fucked up they’ve become since you last saw them 10+ years ago. In the same light, you can take a look at all those people you thought were “hot” at school, and see what a mess they’ve made of their lives. That hot guy/girl who’s become an obese, greasy piece of shit, and now a single parent of 3. Maybe one or 2 of them became really slim, and hot, and have travelled the world making your life look incredibly boring and pathetic. Either way, it’s depressing. I don’t fucking WANT to talk to these people, let alone allow them to see what I’ve been doing and what I subsequently will get up to – whilst masturbating over my pictures. Sheesh.

Status updates are a hilariously pathetic way to tell all of your friends what you’re up to at any time. Yeah, because we all want to know that you’re “on your way home from work”. Fucking enticing stuff, isn’t it? And the updates are always pathetically lame and usually miserable;

“is rlly unhappy wiv life. y cant ppl be nice 2 each ova?”
“hates his job”
“hates her kids”

Why can’t friends have updates that people may actually find interesting?

“just tried anal sex for the first time and its NOTHING like it is in porno. messy stuff.”
“just cheated on my girlfriend for someone far more attractive. perhaps if you’d lost some fucking weight you fat bitch, I wouldn’t have been looking elsewhere?”
“wishes their grandmother would die and leave them their inheritance already. having to listen to you bitch and whine about the cancer just isn’t worth the hassle. I’m not sure how much more I can take.”

And holy mother of God. The fucking notifications. “Give your friend a special gift now!” Yeah, because nothing says I value our friendship more than a fucking digital image of some chocolate, that took me all of 1.2 seconds to click and send to you and everyone else I know. That’s friendship baby. No, I honestly do NOT fucking care that you played “How big is my e-peen?” and got a score of 0.8 inches. Do I want to play too? Do you want to eat my ass with a spoon? Thought not.

“Jane has commented on Sara’s” photo. Wait, who the fuck is Sara? Why are photo comments always the fucking same boring and mundane bullshit?

“Awww, how cute you look!”
“What a fucking excellent night that was!”
“Who is that bozo in the background?”

Again, people should reply with far more interesting and accurate comments:

“Wow, you had some excellent cleavage going on there that night. That’s gonna get me through 20 minutes in the toilet at work later on!”
“That was 2 minutes before I puked all over that girls shoes and then we got into that massive cat-fight where she stabbed me in the face with a pint glass and I went to ER for the next 7 hours.”
“Harry, I’m really sorry I have to tell you like this man, but this is the night I had sex with your woman. I mean, check out that outfit… how could I not?”

For me, though, the absolute crème de la crème of bullshit from Facebook comes from the “groups” function. You know where people can join groups they feel are relevant to their interests and views? Things such as:

“David joins the group SAVE THE BABY WHALES!”
“Frank joins the group VOTE FOR OBAMA”
“Dildo joins the group MORE RIGHTS FOR ELECTRONIC GOODS”

All generally good and positive groups that give the impression that these people are goodstanding citizens and are suitable representatives for the better side of the human race. Right? Wrong. Most of the people I know would join groups similar to:

“I would like to have sex with a midget, just to see if i can get beyond the immediate feeling of it being similar in stature to fucking a child”
“I think religion is made bullshit by the discovery of dinosaurs. Sorry, God, but a T-Rex would fuck even *your* shit up.”
“I’m always one of those pricks who conveniently goes to the toilet when collections for Cancer Awareness show up.”

Be honest; you don’t give a shit about the whales any more than I do. You join the group to massage your publically accessible e-ego (electronic ego, for the retarded) and try to come off as a better human being, pretty much like every other asshole on there. Who are you trying to impress exactly? Everyone you fucking know is already on your friends list, so what logical reason do you have for doing that? I hardly think God (if he/she/it exists) is going to judge you on your Facebook group activity, you stupid motherfucker.

Facebook introduces those people you know in real life to the world of internet acronyms. I realise that my blog caters to a certain level of retardation, so I’ll briefly explain what an acronym is. An acronym is a series of words whose abbreviations make up a new word. FBI, NASA, BBW and BDSM are several popular acronyms. You follow? So how often do you really hear or see the people you know in real life “lol”, “rofl”, or “lmao”? And why the fuck do they feel the need to do it at the start and end of every goddamn sentence? I realise you’re new to this whole Internet thing, and you’ve just got yourself a Facebook account, but jesus christ. Lay off the fucking laughs, because nothing (and no, not even the following video) is *that* funny.

Related Posts

• 5 Reasons Facebook Ruins your Self-Esteem
• Top 10 Reason Everyone Should Destroy Their Facebook Account
• 20% of Divorce Applications in UK cited Facebook
• Facebook Can Limit Your Future Opportunities in a Huge Way
• New Facebook reminds of AOL in early 90s

More than half of teenagers who use the social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace have posted information about sexual behavior, substance abuse/violence and other risky behaviors on their publicly available profiles. And that may attract unwanted attention from sexual predators or jeopardize their future employment prospects

Dr Megan Moreno and her colleagues from the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Hospital Research Institute analyzed the content of 500 online social network profiles between July and September 2007.

All of the profile owners were 18 years old and living in the United States.

Some 54 per cent of the profiles contained references to risky behaviors. One-quarter of the profiles examined mentioned sexual behaviors while 44 per cent referred to substance abuse. Almost one in three spoke about alcohol use while 14 per cent referred to violence.

The study, published in the current issue of Archives of Paediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, found that teenagers, whose profiles indicated religious involvement or had references to active participation in a sport or hobby, were less likely to contain any kind of risky information.

“Once we started getting the findings, we wondered, why are they doing this?” Moreno said. “Do they not get it? And, if they don’t understand that this is public, can we send them a cautionary message to let them know just how public their information really is?”

More than 90 percent of teens in the United States have access to the Internet, according to background information from the studies. About half of all teens who use the Internet also use social networking sites, such as MySpace and Facebook and about one-quarter of those belong to teens under 18.

Kimberly Mitchell, the author of an accompanying editorial in the same issue of the journal and a research professor at the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire in Durham, “It’s important for parents to understand how important these social networking sites are to kids,” she said. “They’re here to stay, and they’re not all evil. There can be some really positive aspects to these sites. But adolescents aren’t necessarily thinking 10 years ahead, when employers or college administrators may look at these sites. Teens live in the here and now, so parents need to talk to kids about the longer-term impacts and help them think through some of the repercussions.”

Moreno suggested that parents ask teens to show them their MySpace or Facebook pages. “Teens will definitely balk, but they balk at lots of things, like curfews,” she said. “Some parents feel it’s a violation of privacy, like reading a diary, but it’s out there, it’s public.”

Related Posts

• 40% UK Teens are “Social Hackers”
• Facebook is Dangerous for Teenagers and can even lead to death
• Facebook is so stupid
• Students who used Facebook had a “Significantly” Lower Grades
• Facebook is damaging Childrens Brain Development

The 22-year-old Lindsay Lohan told her MySpace fans of her frustrations after her Facebook account had been disabled. Lindsay posted on her MySpace : “Okay, so I love MySpace, because it is secure, and the people at myspace don’t disable your account because they think that you are a fake you.

“Having said that brings me to the subject of my blog … Facebook allows a lot of posers, I thought maybe they would figure out that the posers of me, (and I am sure others on Facebook) were in fact posers by looking into their accounts, or sending emails to the people that they believed to be “posers” which ask questions. what those questions may be … I don’t know.
“Which is why i don’t run an interactive website.

“On that note, this is what happened to me earlier today … I signed onto Facebook with my new password because someone keeps hacking into my account, and when I typed my password and “log in” name in, a red sentence came up saying: ‘Account Disabled – Your account has been disabled by an administrator. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here’.”

Lohan continues: “Wow! I was in shock. I clicked on the link that they told me to click on and then to another link that said: my account may of been disabled by mistake. Once I got to that it gave a note saying why it was disabled which stated the note saying that it was disabled because they believe that i was a fake of myself. genius. here I am loving Facebook (as well as MySpace – hehe) but going on Facebook to talk to some of my friends and they are thinking that I AM THE “FAKE” OF MYSELF!!! hahahahahaha …

“At first I laughed, and then I got angry. Angry because, with ALL the people that PRETEND to be me on Facebook, they decide to say I AM THE FAKE – of myself. All I can think is, WHO is running this site? and how can they just “disable” my account without first, sending me a warning notice, or AT LEAST asking me some account verification questions.

“Here they are re-designing the look on the site when they should be setting up a more secure way of allowing people to set up an account. i wasn’t even under my name, I had a fake name on my account because, obviously I didn’t want everyone on Facebook to know it was me.”

“Maybe I am just venting, but I am also writing this blog in hopes that the people at Facebook will un-disable my account and allow me to sign in the EXACT same way it was, same friends, same emails, same “pets” and so on … Phew! I’m glad I got that off my chest, I needed to let it out somewhere, and MySpace has always been the best place for me to do it, especially if i hope for something to change ….,” she ends her blog with “love love love, Lindsay Dee ”.

Girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson’s Facebook status reads: “(Samantha Ronson) is contemplating the irony in the fact that facebook froze the only REAL LINDSAY LOHAN page. 20 hours ago”.

Related Posts

• Facebook is so stupid
• 54% US Teens profiles contained references to risky behaviors
• President Obama Banned His Daughters to Use Facebook [Total Respect]
• Facebook Users Exposed Facebook Account Security Flaw by Posting Mark Zuckerberg Personal Pictures
• Is Facebook Really Bringing Friends Together?